Is I'm afraid on par with my offering here.
Kate McCann's attempt at damage limitation after the Lisbon debacle, which can be read in full at the post immediately below.
We are currently in Lisbon for the trial to determine whether the injunction against Mr Amaral's book and DVD should remain in place. This trial is about whether the book is a true reflection  of the official judicial process in to Madeleine's disappearance and whether its contents damage the ongoing search for Madeleine,  her siblings  and our reputations.
 No it isn't, it is a book, what it reflects is academic.
 What search, ongoing or otherwise, is that pray, and by whom, surely not, Metodo "home by Christmas" 3, they of the Morocco fiasco, paid false sightings, Illegal wire-tappers, cocaine thieves and general crooks all round.
The private detective being paid by Kate and Gerry McCann to find their daughter has claimed he knows who took Madeleine and that he could have her back with her family before Christmas.
Francisco Marco, the director general of Metodo 3, indicated that they were closing in on the four-year-old’s abductor and preparing to hand over their “evidence” to police.
He said: “We have proof of her movements after her kidnap and we know she was alive the day after her disappearance. We are not certain she left Portugal.
The detective added: “We know who kidnapped her. Liverpool Echo
Well you would kind of expect detectives of the calibre of the Metodo 3 to do just that, I mean let's face it, they are the business, Charlie Potatoes, the Dog's Bollocks of the investigation world. How could they not be, they have to be, the News of the World says they are, and there is one thing you can rely on when it involves the McCanns, you can certainly rely on the Screws. Can't you just.
Emphasis mine, capitals theirs.
A CRACK new team of private eyes are now hunting missing Maddie McCann-and they are convinced she was snatched TO ORDER by a paedophile gang then SMUGGLED out to Morocco.
Today we sensationally reveal the renowned Spanish Metodo 3 detective agency-hired by parents Kate and Gerry-believe the four-year-old was targeted after a tip-off from INSIDE their Portuguese holiday complex.
An insider said: "It's distressing but gives us all hope Maddie's still alive."
DISTRAUGHT Kate and Gerry McCann are coming to terms with the sickening thought that missing daughter Maddie is in the hands of a gang of Moroccan paedophiles.
After studying all the evidence the couple's team of ace private eyes are convinced the she was kidnapped to order from the family's Algarve holiday apartment then spirited away to feed North Africa's sick child sex industry.
The highly-respected Spanish detective agency Metodo 3 have NEVER FAILED to find a missing person they've hunted-including a teenage boy they rescued after he was abducted by a pervert. Prisoner of evil newsoftheworld.co.uk
They're boys, they surely are.
But are we talking about the same firm here, surely not the same firm that The Mail, of all people, describe as an Irrelevant Waste of Funds, shurely shome mishtake?
How can they be irrelevant, not all forty of them, surely not, not when each and every one them has his own personal Cuddle Cat to squeeze.
Metodo 3, whose contract expires in March, has 40 investigators working on the case, here and in Portugal and Spain.
Each has a replica of Cuddle Cat, Madeleine's favourite toy, which they are encouraged to squeeze when they feel demotivated at the size of their task.
So, if it's not forty detectives and forty cuddle Cats that's doing the searching, who is?
Well there's one thing for sure, it's not this fellow, he won't be searching, not from the inside of a jail cell he won't, searching his soul possibly for the odd "if only" or two, you know the ones, if only I hadn't taken the piss quite so much, I might not be sat here in this goddamned cell right now.
No I'm afraid the only thing Kevin,"a fool and someone else's money are soon parted" Halligen, is going to be looking for, is to avoid becoming Bubba's new wife when he experiences the horrors of what the Prison Nation (US) describes as the Department of Corrections.
This crack team of ex FBI described by the Mail, we must then assume is Halligen.
The obvious thing about this report are the priceless quotes by "a friend of the McCanns" Clarence Mitchell, they are, what one might simply describe as, something else, though quite possibly you might choose another description. But of all things, I think it would be safe to assume that Mitchell never returns to read that which rotates no more, old spin. So here is a little reminder for the dear heart.
But of this report as indeed with most others of its ilk, it beggars a question. Why after being made to look foolish by Mitchell and the McCanns, do the press keep coming back time after time for another basin full? Buggers for punishment as my Daddy used to say.
McCanns hire crack team of ex-FBI agents to find Madeleine
Kate and Gerry McCann have hired a team of crack U.S detectives to lead the hunt for their missing daughter Madeleine, it has emerged.
The unnamed US firm is said to have been offered a £500,000 six-month contract by the Find Madeleine Fun to help spearhead the search.
A friend of the McCanns said: 'The hunt for Madeleine is becoming more and more international and it was felt that a truly international firm was now needed to lead the inquiry.
"These really are the big boys. They are absolutely the best, but they are extremely secretive and cloak-and-dagger about what they do.
'Since their appointment, Metodo has very much taken a back seat and they are now concentrating primarily in Portugal and Spain and across the Straits of Gibraltar into north Africa, where they have their main contacts.
'The American agency is pretty much handling everything else.'
The secretive firm is said to employ ex-FBI, CIA and U.S special forces, according to the Daily Mirror.
The McCanns' spokesman Clarence Mitchell, said: 'Kate and Gerry made it clear from the outset they would leave no stone unturned in finding Madeleine and that means employing the very best people in any given field.
'It is correct that an international firm of investigators have been appointed.
'But I am unable to say anything at all about them because of the covert nature of their work and the need for secrecy, not only in looking for Madeleine, but also in relation to previous operations.'
The McCanns now have detectives working around the world at a reported cost of £166,000 a month. Mail
Doesn't he talk some bollocks.
"Renowned for leaving no stone unturned in his UK murder investigations"
Who went on to say:
"Madeleine McCann is still alive and was snatched by someone who wanted a child to love"
But that changed into:
He feels this is the lone prowler who has Maddie stashed in a cellar or dungeon in the lawless villages around Praia da Luz.
“I don’t want to generalise or make gross exaggerations, but there are people there living on the edges of society,” The rest of this boy's own nonsense at the Belfast Telegraph
“Jane is a very reliable witness"
I'm loosing the will to live.
Unfinished as it is, I'm going to go play in Paintshop, I must be able to come up with something better than this stale effort.
Initially I started out to briefly cover each one Kate McCann's talking points, but it has turned into this over written piece that was meant to highlight just what a crock the Mccann's searching has been.
And if this mockery is their best effort, then how much bigger a mockery is it to plead before a judge that the publication of Goncalo Amaral's is somehow going to hinder a search for which there are no active participents anyway.