I think it best if I let the son of my personal saviour, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, speak for me, for it is as one that we speak on this tale of incredulity.
A religious police group which believes the power of prayer can help catch crooks has been given a £10,000 Home Office grant to fight crime.
The Christian Police Association was handed the one-off cash payment to help publicise its message - which includes encouraging members of the public to pray that criminals are swiftly brought to justice.
The group also believes praying can help police to solve crimes, protect officers from injury on duty and reduce anti-social behaviour.
The cash helped the group launch the CoAct project to encourage Christians and police to help fight crime together - and even provides a set of guidelines advising people what to pray for.
The guidelines also suggest worshippers find out about trouble hotspots in their area and pray for their salvation.
The CoAct website states: ‘Do some research, read local newspapers, talk to your Neighbourhood police officer, check out the police website, find out the trouble hotspots, listen to local radio and TV news and use relevant items as prayer fuel.
‘Be informed when praying and be specific. As you find out about a particular issue, continue to pray about every aspect of it. Keep praying and keep watching.
‘It is important to let groups know you are praying.’
Asked whether the power of prayer could help reduce crime or be used to solve crime, a spokesman for the CPA said: ‘There is circumstantial evidence to suggest that prayer may help to reduce crime and community tension.’
Its website adds: ‘Praying specifically for your local policing situation may well bring tangible results.
‘Individuals and churches in neighbourhoods can, so to speak, “adopt a cop” by praying for specific officers, staff and teams at their local police station, as well as places and issues, and so offer that prayerful support.
‘Specifically find out the names of your local neighbourhood policing team and commit to praying for them.’
Don Axcell, the executive director of the 2,000-strong CPA and a retired sergeant for the Met, told Police Review today: ‘In one particular area, an officer was investigating an incident but he had not been able to apprehend a suspect.
‘He encouraged a church to pray for him and within days a suspect had been arrested and charged.
‘In another area, an officer encouraged churches to pray about domestic burglary and over the year it came down by 30 per cent.
‘We do not discount good police work, which is why we call it circumstantial evidence.’
The CoAct website continues: "Pray for you police. Prayer is key, powerful and changes things, it is the slender nerve, which moves the hand of God and we are asking him to intervene in our community.’
One officer, who did not want to be named, said: ‘If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I would not have believed it.
‘The government have given £10,000 to a group within the police to encourage people to pray that crimes are solved and criminals are brought to justice.
‘It's like asking the fairy Godmother to bring in all the criminals on the run - it would be nice, but it's not going to happen.’
Matt Baggott, chief constable of the Police Service of Northern Ireland and president of the CPA, said CoAct was a 'great way of giving police officers the support, care and encouragement that they need and value'.
A Home Office spokesman said: ‘We have given the Christian Police Association a one-off grant of £10,000 to support its ongoing work to improve community safety, tackle antisocial behaviour and reduce violence.’
The guidelines include praying for:
Neighbourhood police officers and frontline cops all over the UK
Success is preventing and detecting crime
Catching offenders and bringing them to justice
Sick and injured officers
Officers to 'resist corruption' and to be able to 'relax' when they are off duty
Local streets or housing estates plagued by crime - they are told to pray for 'God's
peace and protection' for the area
A reduction in crime' Daily McMail